Episode 162

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Published on:

26th Aug 2026

5 Things That Make People Want to Refer You

How do you become the kind of person people trust enough to refer? How much does your reputation influence a sale before you ever have the chance to make your pitch? And in a world where AI can create the perfect sales message, what makes people trust the person behind it?

In this episode of Sell by Being Human, Alex Smith sits down with Stephen Uman, a sales leader, coach, and speaker with more than 25 years of experience at companies including Microsoft, Outreach, and Accenture. Stephen's TEDx Talk on the 5 C's of referability has reached more than 300,000 views, but his message goes far beyond sales tactics.

Stephen shares why selling by being human starts with remembering what it's like to be the buyer. They explore how every interaction shapes your reputation, why trust is something another person has to give you, and how transparency, authenticity, and intention influence the way people experience you.

The conversation also breaks down Stephen's 5 C's of referability: character, conviction, clarity, competence, and credibility. They discuss the difference between principles and tactics, why AI can replicate tactics without replicating the person behind them, and how intimate communities can create genuine referral opportunities.

Stephen ends with a simple challenge: ask three people why they would or wouldn't refer you, then have the vulnerability to listen to what they say.

Ultimately, this is a conversation about building a reputation people can believe in, trust they can feel, and relationships strong enough to open doors.

Key Takeaways

  • Selling by being human means remembering what it's like to be the buyer
  • Every interaction contributes to the reputation people build around you
  • Reputation is what others say about you when you're not in the room
  • Every person has inherent value and something you can learn from
  • Transparency and authenticity create stronger, more sustainable trust
  • Trust is ultimately given by another person, not something you can simply declare
  • Persuasion and manipulation can use the same tactics, but intention separates them
  • Good intentions don't matter if you fail to step into another person's world
  • Principles scale, while tactics don't always translate from one person to another
  • Character, conviction, clarity, competence, and credibility are the foundation of referability
  • AI can generate tactics, but the person behind the tactic is what creates trust
  • Strong communities can create warm connections and accelerate referrals
  • The best way to improve your referability is to ask others for honest feedback

In This Episode:

  • [00:00] Intro
  • [01:39] How Alex and Stephen connected through a referral
  • [03:25] What “sell by being human” means to Stephen
  • [04:42] Stepping into the buyer's world
  • [06:16] Why human relationships create real value
  • [08:39] Understanding the inherent value of every person
  • [10:07] The connection between kindness and results
  • [11:00] Why humans are at the center of marketplace value
  • [12:45] Your reputation walks into the room before you do
  • [14:09] Brand vs. reputation
  • [15:31] Why every interaction builds your reputation
  • [16:46] Transparency, authenticity, and protecting trust
  • [17:47] The small moments that reveal character
  • [18:54] Why trust is given, not earned
  • [20:04] Persuasion vs. manipulation
  • [22:07] Why sales has a reputation problem
  • [24:10] A leadership mistake that eroded trust
  • [25:02] When a Friday text message becomes a problem
  • [26:52] Why principles scale but tactics don't
  • [29:10] The danger of putting yourself first
  • [29:49] Why intention matters more than technique
  • [30:47] Showing people what's really in your heart
  • [32:10] Transparency when you can't share everything
  • [33:47] When a leader's good intentions weren't enough
  • [35:04] Why character and trust can't be declared
  • [36:38] When doing the right thing still gets misunderstood
  • [38:08] Helping employees find roles where they can thrive
  • [39:24] Grace, forgiveness, and the human side of sales
  • [41:26] The 5 C's of referability
  • [41:43] Principles vs. tactics
  • [43:36] What makes someone trustworthy in front of a CEO
  • [45:14] Why the person behind the tactic matters
  • [46:36] Building credibility through other people
  • [48:06] How communities create warm connections
  • [50:08] Why intimate communities matter
  • [50:51] How to self-audit your referability
  • [51:06] Asking three people why they would refer you
  • [52:07] How to ask for referrals without making it about you
  • [53:26] What makes Stephen totally Stephen
  • [54:19] Where to connect with Stephen
  • [54:41] Closing

Our Guest

Stephen Oomen is a sales leader with over 25 years of experience at companies including Microsoft, Outreach, and Accenture. His TEDx Talk, "The 5 C's of Referability," became an editor's pick and has been viewed over 300,000 times. He specializes in helping leaders and sales teams build reputations that drive revenue, teaching that trust, character, and human connection are the real foundations of sustainable success. He is also a leadership coach and keynote speaker who helps organizations scale through reputation, not just activity.

Resources and Links

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Stephen Oomen

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About the Podcast

Sell By Being Human
On the Sell By Being Human podcast, award-winning sales professional Alex Smith provides the proven way to harness your innate human skills like empathy, curiosity, and kindness to learn how to sell and navigate the sales journey.
This is where human connection and sales meet. You may be someone whose success depends on influence, negotiation, and your ability to create change, but you may reject aggressive sales tactics. Maybe you feel stuck in corporate "autopilot," knowing your best asset is your genuine personality, but you struggle to use it to get what you want. Then this channel is for you.

It will teach you how to close the gap between wanting to be ethical and feeling pressured to sell aggressively. You’ll also learn actionable strategies for translating emotional intelligence into high-trust results. Join Alex and top guests, including NY Times bestsellers, keynote speakers, and global founders, as they prove that being truly human is the ultimate sales advantage.

About your host

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Alex Smith

Alex Smith is a seasoned sales professional and podcast host who champions a human-first approach to selling. With nearly two decades of experience, he explores how empathy, curiosity, and genuine connection drive influence in everyday life. Through his podcast, he highlights stories from people across all professions, showing that anyone can persuade and create impact simply by being human.